Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
