she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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