I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize