She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
