Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
