all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
