just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fill condoms, not promises.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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