yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
