How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
