his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
