Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
