i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
