btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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