Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
