did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
