His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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