everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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