At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
