Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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