Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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