She's JV to your varsity
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
