There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
