I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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