Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
