thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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