I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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