Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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