i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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