i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
