Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
