some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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