its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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