I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
