he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
