After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
