he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
