Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
