I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
