I think I just saw someone hide a body.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just had sex bonerless
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
