I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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