There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
