I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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