He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
