no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
