just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize