Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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