hotel room ftw
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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