im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So many bounce houses so little time
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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