so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My pussy is not your playground.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
