Please, let me fuck your mom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
