How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
