im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
