Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
