So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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