every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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