I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
