I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
