im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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