Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
