I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
