So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
