aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
