My friends, they love my intelligence
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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