OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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