What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
