I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
