no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
